Instinct
by MyTwiDreams
Summary: Esme Cullen has it all - two adorable children, a devoted husband and a cozy home in a suburb of Seattle. But then a Romanian teenager knocks on her door and her perfect world falls apart.../Outtake for WTHN/ AH


[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer. I just borrow her characters to have some fun.

[A/N] This is just another little outtake for **#WTHN**. I like challenging myself by writing from the perspective of different characters. Somehow I feel like that helps me growing as a writer.

****Instinct****

_There is an instinct in a woman to love most her own child - and an instinct to make any child who needs her love, her own._

_(Robert Brault)_

"Keep on playing, honey." I told him, stroking gently over his messy hair while he tried to concentrate on the melody of Chopsticks. He was getting good at playing the piano. All he needed to do was practice a little bit more but he was talented that much I was sure about. Maybe all mothers thought their children to be talented…

"Mommy, when is Daddy coming home?"

I checked the time on the watch that was hanging on the wall and sighed deeply. It was already so late, and he had promised that he would be home at Dinner time today. Sometimes I wished that my dear husband wouldn't be so very devoted to his job. I was starting to get a little bit jealous of his patients because some of them saw more of him than me. Not to speak of all the nurses that drooled over him like a group of lovesick Cheerleaders.

"Mommy?"

"Your father is probably still busy at the hospital, Eddie. We will call him later to tell him Good Night."

"Hmm,"

I planted a kiss on his forehead and walked back into the kitchen to cut a cucumber into the salad I was preparing.

"Rosie, why are you on the phone again?"

"It's important!"

She turned around and continued babbling into the receiver.

"And she said that I said I had heard Monica say that you can't stand her but…,"

"Rosie, it's enough now. You can talk to Vera at school tomorrow. Your father can never reach us here because you are always calling your friend as soon as you come home."

"But it's important! No, Vera that was just my mother. Look, I didn't tell Nancy that Fred told me that you think he is cute. No, I'm not in love with…,"

"Rosalie, hang up now before I pull out the cable. I'm kind of tired having this discussion with you every day."

She rolled her eyes at me.

"I call you later, sweetie. My mother doesn't...well, you know. Good, I talk to you after Dinner, laters."

She kneeled down on one of the kitchen chairs, her pretty face turning into a frown.

"Rosalie…,"

"Mom, that was really important. Vera and I have stuff to discuss that other people shouldn't hear. We have secrets."

"Hand me the vinegar and just for the record. You are too young to have secrets at all. How did your math test go today?"

"It was easy."

"That's good to hear. You are a smart girl when you don't let yourself get distracted all the time."

"Yes, Mom,"

I heard the lock turning around in the key, followed by the familiar sound of his deep voice.

"I'm home!"

He talked briefly to our son asking about his day at school before he entered the kitchen, wrapping his arms around me from behind.

"Evening, my beautiful, are we ready to eat? I'm starving."

I chuckled, feeling my skin break out in goose bumps when his mouth brushed over the bare skin on my neck.

"In a few minutes," I mumbled, shoving a piece of tomato between his lips.

"How was your day?"

"Exhausting, they brought three coronaries in and then I had to fill in for one of Dr. Mulligans bypass surgery appointments."

"Did it go well?"

"Do you doubt my skills as a surgeon?"

I cupped his face between my hands and pulled him closer to plant a soft kiss on his mouth.

"I never doubt your skills."

"Mom! Dad! Stop this kissing that's embarrassing."

"We talk about what's embarrassing when you have your first boyfriend, Kitty."

The doorbell rang and I wondered who was visiting us at this time. I hated interruptions on the rare occasions the four of us were actually having time to eat Dinner together.

"Eddie, can you go and open the door?"

A few moments later he rushed to us in the kitchen.

"Mommy, there's some girl with a baby. She is crying and says she wants to talk to Daddy."

Carlisle sighed deeply and kissed my hair before he went to see what the poor being wanted. I hoped they hadn't sent her here to beg for money or something like that.

I heard him talk to the girl, her voice rising to a hysterically high frequency. Was she one of his patients?

"Keep her! Please keep her! I can't go back home with her! You have to take her!"

"Sasha, not now. Come to the hospital tomorrow. We'll talk there."

"You have to take her! She is sick, and I can't bring her back home with me! Carlisle, please!"

I placed my arm around his shoulder and felt him stiffen a bit. Was he nervous?

"Is everything alright, darling?"

"That's your wife? Does she know about us?"

"Sasha, please, just leave now."

"No! I want you to take her!"

"Take whom? Carlisle, what does she want?"

The baby she was holding in her arms started coughing terribly. I took a closer look at the girl herself, realizing that she looked fragile, with huge, light caramel colored eyes and too pale skin to be healthy.

"Doesn't sound too good your baby. Carlisle, darling, maybe you should take a look at the baby. It sounds sick."

"Esme, my love, please go back inside. I will deal with this in a minute."

"I'm not going to take Alicija with me again. My brother says he doesn't want to pay for her medication anymore and when I give her mine she throws up from it."

"Sasha, I already told you to come to the hospital tomorrow. We will find an acceptable solution. I will…,"

"Keep her! I'm done with this. I'm too young to take care of a sick baby. Who is going to marry me when I already have a child? Keep her! Please, you need to keep her!"

With that she started sobbing desperately, handing the child over to my protesting husband.

"Take her! Take her! You need to take her!"

"Sasha…,"

She snarled something in a foreign language to him and an almost growl-like sound left his throat before he started yelling at her. I cringed, never having heard him talk to someone as unfriendly as this before.

"You have no proof! Leave now, before you'll regret it, Sasha."

"Carlisle, what is going on here?"

"Nothing,"

"It's not nothing." she stated, finally handing him the coughing infant. He held it as far away from his body as possible.

"I want him to keep the baby. Alicija is sick and he's a doctor. He can take better care of her than I can."

I felt instantly bad for her. There was so much desperation in her voice. She looked way too young and fragile to have a baby at all. Maybe I should offer her to call some charity organizations or something close to that? She was obviously about to lose it any minute. Poor girl…

The baby coughed louder now, making some rattling noises when it gasped for air again.

My husband sighed and turned his attention to the tiny baby in his arms.

"She looks awful. What in heaven's name were you thinking to fly half across the world with such a sick baby? Have you completely lost your mind now?"

"I want you to take her!"

"Stop with the yelling!"

"Carlisle, please calm down." I whispered, placing my hand on his shoulder again, realizing that his entire body had started quivering slightly. I couldn't even remember having seen him as agitated as this before.

"Tell your wife or I will do it."

"Sasha, for the last time now, we can't talk about this here. Come to the hospital with her tomorrow and I will…,"

"What? Give me money? You don't seem to grasp the situation I'm in. My parents have kicked me out because of Alicija. They say I brought shame over them by becoming a mother without being married."

"I'm sorry about that but I can't…I can't…please leave now."

"Tell your wife!"

"Tell me what? Carlisle, what is she talking about?"

He handed the baby back to the girl, leaning back against the wooden frame of our front door. When he spoke up again his voice sounded lifeless.

"The baby…the baby could be mine."

XXXX

My hands cramped around the tissue in my hands while I tried to keep the tears from falling. I didn't want to cry now. Crying wouldn't help my situation one tiny bit.

"I'm so sorry, my love. I made a mistake, a terrible mistake. Please, tell me that you'll forgive me."

He tried to wrap his hand around my wrist but I shrugged back from his touch.

"Don't you dare to touch me now!"

"I am so sorry."

"Do you think that is going to make any kind of a difference for me?"

"Mommy, why are you yelling at Daddy?"

"Stay in your room, Edward, like we told you to!"

"Don't raise your voice on the boy. Sweetie, please go to your room. Your father and I are just talking."

When I heard him close the door to his room behind him again I jumped from the couch, grabbing the next best thing I could reach and threw it across the living room. The vase splintered into dozens of glass pieces.

"Esme, please…,"

"No, no…I'm not going to calm down. This is just too much, just too much. I've always supported you, always. You said it would be necessary for your career to show some social commitment by working for Doctors without Borders."

"You should have come with me. All of this wouldn't have happened if you…,"

"Don't you make it look as if it's my mistake now. Rosalie and Eddie have school to attend. You can't expect me to let my children move to some underdeveloped Eastern European country where I can't be sure that their health wouldn't be endangered."

"I told you I'm sorry. I know it's not your fault, my love."

"Pack your things and leave. I want you out of the house this moment!"

"Esme, you can't kick me out."

"I can and I will. Maybe your little Romanian _whore_ will take you in. Get your shit and leave!"

He kneeled down in front of me and wrapped his arms around my knees, almost bringing me to fall.

"Forgive me! Please say you'll forgive me. Forgive me…please."

A dry sob left his throat and when he actually started soaking the fabric of my skirt with warm tears a sharp pain cramped around my heart. It hurt me deeply to see him so desperate, so broken and for a moment this feeling managed to overwhelm my anger and my own sadness. Slowly, I raised my hand to stroke over the blonde waves of his hair.

"Please you say you'll forgive me for if you don't…I don't know how I'm supposed to live without you."

I sighed, shoving his hands away from me. Then I walked over to the cupboard, taking out the bottle with the brandy. Not even bothering with a glass I lifted it to my lips, taking a big gulp from the awfully bitter liquid. I coughed and spilled a bit of it over my blouse but a moment later numbness streamed through my body. Maybe I should drink the entire bottle. Maybe it would help me to forget?

"Why? What have I done wrong? How could you do that to me?"

"She…she seduced me. It didn't mean anything to me, I swear."

"Did she force you to put your dick inside her?"

He sniffed and sat down on the edge of the couch.

"It was so hard for me over there. You can't image how lonely I was in Romania. I had no one there, no one to talk to, no one but her."

I sat down next to him, fighting the almost unbearable urge to run my fingernails right across his face. Maybe it would make me feel a tiny bit better to see blood on his flawless face.

"How long did your affair with this girl go on?"

"About three months. She developed some kind of…well, she wanted more than just an affair and I made it clear to her that I couldn't give her that. I love…,"

"Don't say it! If you'd truly love me you wouldn't have slept with another."

"Esme, I'm sorry. I am so sorry."

"Stop saying you're sorry. It doesn't make undone what you did."

I kneeled down to pick up the glass pieces, smirking a bit when I realized that it was one that Carlisle's British grandmother had given us for our wedding. The woman had hated me with a passion.

For a moment I was distracted and cut myself so deeply into my left palm that the blood trickled down my forearm.

"Ouch…oh…damn it."

He was next to me within a split second.

"Let me take a look. Did you hurt yourself?"

You are the one who hurt me…

"The cut is too deep. I will have to stitch this up or it will get infected."

He helped me up while I tried to breathe throw my mouth, knowing that the rusty scent of blood would make me nauseous. How embarrassing that a doctor's wife wasn't capable of handling this sort of things better.

When he stitched up my hand in his office I stared down at the ground, thinking that it would be just wonderful if it were possible to heal a broken heart just the same way. I had always been jealous. I am not blind. I see how other women tend to look at my husband. But up until this day I had never even doubted his fidelity. Carlisle was so old-fashioned when it came to the physical aspects of love. I couldn't believe how an almost child-like girl had managed to lure him in.

XXXX

"The test is positive." he stated while his face stayed a hardened mask. There were dark, purplish shadows underneath his eyes, making me wonder if he had slept just one single minute during the last two nights.

"So you are the father?"

"I am the biological father—yes, but it's not going to make a difference."

I took the file from him, reading through the countless medical test results. Was all of this necessary for a paternity test?

"The baby is really sick, isn't it?"

"Sa...I mean the baby's mother has a congenital heart defect and everything looks as if the little one has inherited that too."

I sighed deeply, pinching the bridge of my nose with my fingertips to fight off the migraine attack I could already feel building.

"Firstly, you can say her name. She is not that freaky wizard in Harry Potter and secondly…where is she now?"

"Down at Dr. Martinez office. He's doing some more tests with her and the baby."

"How did she manage to come here anyway? I thought Romania is such a poor country?"

"Her brother works here sometimes…it's cheaper for some companies to hire…not so legal workers from abroad."

"But illicit work is a crime. We have to..,"

"No, that's not our business, Esme. You don't know what it's like over there in Romania. Thy really need the money they are making here to get their families through."

"I still think it's wrong."

"Many things in this world are wrong, my love."

He tried to place his hand on mine but I pulled back, pretending to be searching for something in my handbag. I couldn't forgive him that easily. His betrayal had hurt me too deep. Still I found myself caring about him.

"I made you some sandwiches. The stuff they serve in the hospital cafeteria is not even good enough to give it to dogs."

I sighed deeply and cleared my throat nervously before I spoke up again.

"Maybe you should consider moving into a hotel. You can't sleep on that couch in your office any longer or your back problems will get worse."

"I don't want to move into a hotel. I want to come back home again. I want us to be okay. I want you to forgive me. Please, Esme…,"

"You want. You want. You want. It's always—you want. You wanted to go to Romania to work for Doctors without Borders. You wanted to fuck that little slut. Now you want me to act as if nothing happened. You know what? I'm done with what you want! I tell you what I want. I want a husband who is able to keep his dick in his pants."

"I've never cheated on you before. It was just Sasha and I'm going to regret that mistake for the rest of my life."

"Just her…just her, do you expect me to feel better now because you only fucked around with one other woman?"

"Esme, please lower your voice, people will hear you."

"I don't care! I'm so angry at you. You destroyed us! You spit on everything the two of us were. I hate you so much. I…I…,"

His mouth silenced my rambling, the taste of his lips mixing up with a few salty teardrops when he kissed me like a man afraid to drown in the darkness. My hands twisted into his hair, pulling him closer instead of shoving him away from me.

The tip of his tongue circled over my bottom lip begging for entrance into my mouth and when I parted my lips a tiny bit he plucked his tongue into my mouth. He tasted like coffee, like coming home and I kissed him back without any hesitation. While my tongue explored his mouth I didn't have time to think and maybe thinking wasn't going to help us get out of this awful situation at all.

My hands moved down his chest until I reached the leather of his belt, fumbling it open to pull his trousers down to his knees.

He pulled me over to the couch at the corner of his office, opening the buttons of my blouse so fast that he ripped several of them off, making them roll over the floor of his office. I straddled him, feeling him already hard and needy underneath me when he buried his face between my breasts, cupping them roughly in both of his hands, squeezing and rolling their sensitive tips between his skilled fingers until whimpering noises escaped my throat.

His hand slipped between my thighs, shoving the lace fabric of my panties to the side to circle his thumb over the aching pearl of my clit, while he simultaneously pressed two fingers inside me, thrusting them back and forth faster and faster. I felt myself dripping down his thighs, wrapping my hand around his hard shaft that pulsed against my fingertips.

I wanted him in me, all of him. When his tip parted my inner lips I groaned against his neck, sucking the skin there between my teeth to stiffen the sounds a bit. Then I shifted a bit, his left hand grabbing my hip when I lowered myself on him. He bucked his hips towards me, while I started moving up and down his length, coating it in my wetness. My inner walls tightened and a heartbeat later his cock twitched inside me when we both reached the peak of our lust at the very same moment.

"Oh my god…,"

He moaned pressing his sweat covered forehead against my chest while we both tried to get our breathing under control again.

"I love you. You, only you…please say you'll forgive me. I need you."

I stood up from his lap, trying to arrange my clothes again although it was pretty hopeless with my blouse.

He wrapped his lab coat over my shoulder, planting a kiss on my hair when he pulled me against his chest again.

"I'm so sorry."

"I know."

"Are you going to forgive me?"

"I don't know. I want to but how can I be sure that something like that is never going to happen again."

"Esme, I swear…,"

"Dr. Cullen?" a red-haired nurse called out breathlessly when she opened the door of his office.

I was glad that she hadn't showed up a few minutes earlier. The view had probably given her a heart attack.

"For heaven's sake, has no one told you to knock on a door before you enter? I'm not on call right now. Go and get Dr. Martinez in case you need a doctor."

"But…but he send me here to get you. The Romanian Girl with the baby. She's gone and didn't leave a number. We don't know what to do with the child now."

XXXX

I didn't want to take a closer look at the baby, somehow terribly afraid that it would resemble my husband. Carlisle had suggested taking the poor little thing home with us for one night while he tried to find the so-called mother. Dr. Martinez had told us that she had started crying when he told her that the child had inherited a heart defect and would definitely need medical support for her entire life.

"What are we going to tell the kids?"

"Nothing, it's just for one night."

He parked the car in the garage and turned off the engine of the Mercedes.

"I'm so sorry."

"Stop saying you're sorry all the time. It's not making me feel any better."

When he lifted the baby out of the seat it instantly started crying.

"Shhh, be quiet. We don't want to wake them up. Do we?"

"Mom? Dad, you are home! Finally." Rosalie stated, rubbing her tired eyes with the back of her hand.

Then she saw the infant on his arm and her voice rose into the sweetest tone I had ever heard her use.

"Ohhh, that's such a cute little baby. Are we going to keep it?"

We walked inside the living room and sat down on the couch, while I wondered where in heaven's name the baby was supposed to sleep tonight.

"Can I hold it?"

"Rosalie, please go back to bed. The baby is just here because your father…needs to check on it. The little girl is sick."

"Are you going to make her heart okay again?"

"I'll try to. Your mother is right though. You should go to bed before your brother wakes up too."

She circled her thumb over the baby's head.

"Her hair is all curly. She's so cute. What's her name?"

"Ali…what did she call her again?"

"Alicija, she filled the papers with Marija Alicija. That would be Mary Alice in our language."

"Mary Alice," I whispered risking the first look at the little being in my husband's arms. To my relief she didn't look like Carlisle at all.

The baby started coughing and a moment later the tiny lips turned blue.

"Carlisle…,"

"I need to give her some of the medication. Could you hold her for a moment?"

I took the baby while he pulled out an injection. I tasted a bit of acid in my mouth when the needle broke through the pale skin on the tiny arm.

"Daddy, is the baby very sick?"

"Rose, please go back to your room. I don't have time to explain things to you right now. Just be a big girl, will you?"

"Hmm,"

"Crap…," he called out when our daughter was out of sight. "It's not working properly. She needs to calm down. Her heart is not able to pump enough blood into her system."

"Can you give her something to calm her down?" I asked him worriedly.

"If I want to kill her off, that would be an option. No, I will just have to check her heart rate; maybe give her some extra oxygen. You can go to bed. I will take care of this overnight."

I shook my head when he tried to take the crying infant from me again.

"You know nothing about calming down babies." I murmured, risking a second look at the little being in my arms. Apart from the bluish lips and the unhealthy paleness it was one of the prettiest babies I had ever held. The curls of her hair were so dark that they almost had a blue shimmer and when she noticed me looking at her she chortled a bit.

"You miss your Mommy, don't you?"

"Sasha doesn't want to keep the child. Her family is not really supportive about her having the baby."

"But she's the mother."

"I know. But she's too young to take on the responsibility for such a sick child and apart from that she wouldn't be able to afford the medical costs that handling the heart condition will bring up."

I started cradling the baby back and forth and after a few minutes it finally stopped with the crying.

"See, you don't have to cry, little baby." I whispered, caressing the tiny hand with my fingers. The girl chortled again and then she wrapped her little hand around my fingertip.

"Strong little thing, aren't you?"

"You don't have to talk to her. She doesn't understand what you're saying anyway. Give her back to me. I know that the situation is awkward for you. I'm so very sorry."

"It's not her fault. It's yours, yours and Sasha's. But she…she's just a baby who is scared to be away from its mother."

The baby didn't let go of my finger and before I could think about what I was doing I leaned forward and planted a kiss on the little snub nose.

"Such a cute, pretty girl, aren't you."

"Esme…,"

"Shhh, did you take some milk powder from the hospital that we can feed to her?"

"Yeah, I think so."

When he returned with the bottle a few moments later I held it against my cheek.

"It's too hot. Hold the bottle under the faucet to cool it down."

"Esme, you don't have to feed the baby."

"Are you planning on letting the poor thing starve?"

"No, I just…this is so awkward for me to see you with her. I feel so incredibly guilty."

"Learn to deal with that. I don't know if I can forgive you, or actually I think I will. What I don't know is if I will ever forget. If I can ever trust you again and I hate this…I hate this so very much."

"I'm sorry."

"Being sorry is not enough sometimes. What are you going to do about the baby?"

"Well, I will talk to someone from the youth welfare and I assume they'll find some foster parents for her."

"And you think that is the right thing to do?"

"Esme, I…I don't know that the right thing to do is. I want to forget. I want us to be okay. You mean so much to me and I don't want to lose you."

His voice trembled when he finished and I sat down on his lap, leaning back against his shoulder. He pressed his lips against the skin on my neck.

"Don't leave me. I don't want to live without you."

"I can't live without you." I mumbled, turning my head to let him kiss my mouth. For a split second I forgot about the baby I was still holding in my arms but then it started coughing again.

"Those foster parents. They probably wouldn't know how to take care of such a sick child. Would they?"

"Yes, no…I don't know. It's the only option we have when Sasha doesn't want to raise the child herself."

"We could keep it."

"Keep it?"

"Well, you're the father and I wanted to have a third child anyway."

"But she's not yours. Can you love her although she's not your child?"

I looked down at the raven-haired girl, circling my little finger over the tiny face, caressing the little snub nose with my fingertip.

So cute, so innocent, so very adorable

Warmth spread through me and I took her right hand in mine, stroking over the fragile little fingers. Love is nothing that can be explained by any means of logic. Love was just love. Nothing more nothing less and yet it was everything I was able to feel in this very moment. Maybe it wasn't even love, just the option of it but whatever it was it was enough to give me the strength to form the next words that left my mouth.

"She will be mine."


End file.
